TLOZ: How Link Saved Christmas
by ano170
Summary: A Christmas oneshot. The reindeer are on strike, Santa's sleigh is broken, and the jolly man himself has lost his memory! Can everyone's favourite elf-er, Hero-save Christmas and avoid a date with Ilia at the same time? Oneshot, rated k


**Author's Note: Hi everyone! I wanted to update the next chapter for my other Zelda fic, "Merging Worlds" for Christmas but unfortunately, I've STILL not finished. Sorry to all you patient, wonderful people reading it! So, instead, here's a random little Christmas oneshot for you. Merry Christmas!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda or Xbox. Or Santa, for that matter.**

**How Link Saved Christmas**

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the village, not a creature was stirring, not even a-

"LINKYPOO!"

The Hero's eyes snapped open in alarm as-no, not Mayor Bo- Ilia, queen of all things annoying, burst through his door-and the barricades Link had surrounded it with in the soul purpose of keeping Ilia out-with an idiotic grin on her face and an axe in her hand.

"Wow Linkypoo! I never thought this thing would come in handy!" she cried, gazing at the axe in awe, as if it were made of gold-which, of course, it wasn't.

_That's because you don't think at all. _Link sighed and turned over in his bed, determined to get some sleep.

There was a muffled oomph, as Ilia began to bounce on the Hero's bed excitedly.

"Okay, here's what we're gonna do tomorrow! First, we'll exchange presents!" Ilia leaned in secretively. "Linkypoo, what did you get me for Christmas?"

Link sighed. "What did I get you last year?"

"Nothing."

"Well congratulations, you're getting it again."

Completely unfazed, Ilia continued. "Then, you'll take me on a romantic ride through Hyrule Field on a one horse open sleigh. _Then_ we'll go ice skating over Lake Hylia. And then we'll come back here and bake muffins and cookies!"

"Sounds great." Link replied, the sarcasm in his voice so thick you could have cut it with cheese wire.

Ilia, of course, being physically incapable of picking up on something as advanced as sarcasm, squealed in delight. "See you then, Linkypoo!"

And with that, she left, skipping through the remains of Link's door with a deranged smile on her face.

Link turned over in his bed, snuggled down in the covers and closed his eyes, ready to get some sleep. He would work out how to avoid Ilia in the morning….

No sooner had Link just drifted off into a dream filled with muffins, than he was abruptly awoken by a loud thump on the roof, followed by a disgruntled "Oomph!"

Frowning, Link reluctantly got out of bed; if it was Ilia, he would need to go set her straight before she killed herself in her excitement over her "date" with him tomorrow.

_Then again, Ilia falling off a roof wouldn't be that big a tragedy…_

But, it was not Ilia, as Link soon discovered as he walked through the Ilia-shaped hole in his door. No, indeed, it was the great jolly man himself-no, not Mayor Bo, Santa- sitting in his sleigh, which in turn was sitting on Link's roof, with-as is to be expected-a very jolly expression on his face.

"Ho, ho, ho! Hey, Link! Mind coming up here for a sec?!"

Link frowned, "Sure! If you don't mind me breaking my neck!"

"Use your clawshot-it'll hook onto my sleigh!"

"I lost it!"

"Really?" Santa smiled, a twinkle in his eye, and reached into the sack that was draped over the back of his sleigh. From it, he produced a new clawshot.

Link smiled in delight-he'd missed his clawshot. He reached out eagerly for it, and yelped in surprise when the metal "claws" suddenly hooked the front of his pyjama shirt-blue with fluffy teddy bears, in case you were wondering-and he was yanked through the air up onto the roof.

Link glared incredulously at Santa, who laughed and stashed the clawshot back in his sack.

"Look, Link, I'm in a bit of trouble. The reindeer are on strike because I paid them beneath the minimum wage, so I had to use this old electric sleigh we used back in the ninety's. Only now the damn thing's broken, and I need the help of an el-

Link glared at Santa, daring St Nick to call him an elf.

Santa recovered quickly. "I need the help of an extremely talented young Hero-no, not Mayor Bo- to fix it for me, else the children of Hyrule won't get any presents!"

Link sighed. "If I help, will you get off my roof?"

"Obviously, otherwise that would defeat the point of fixing the sleigh."

"Fair enough." Link shrugged. "What do you need me to do?"

After about an hour filled with elbow grease, sweat, hard work and a break for muffins, Link-no, sorry folks, still not Mayor Bo-had finished fixing the sleigh. Santa grinned at him.

"Well done, lad!" Santa laughed as the sleigh began to lift. "Ho, ho-huh?!"

Santa let out a startled yell as the sleigh began to buck. Then, suddenly, to Link's alarm, it plummeted at break neck speed back to earth.

"Santa?! Santa?! Come on! Nick?! Chris?! Hey, you okay!" Hyrule's Hero groaned as he peered over his roof at Santa's still form, splayed in the snow. "Great, I've killed Santa!"

Link slid down the roof, landing lightly in the snow. He placed a hand on Father Christmas' chest, and, sure enough, he was still breathing.

"What?! What?!" Santa abruptly sat up, nearly giving the Hero of Light a heart attack. "Where am I?! Better yet, who am I?!" He glared suspiciously at Link. "Are you with the FBI?"

Link groaned, mortified. There was no way he was getting any sleep tonight now!

"Where's my eggnog?! Boy, bring me my eggnog!"

There was no way Santa would be able to deliver presents in that state, Link realised. There was only one person who could help-no, not Mayor Bo-him! Warily, Link approached Santa's sleigh. Reailsing what was wrong, he quickly rearranged two of the wires, then he sat in the seat, and let out a yelp of alarm as his pyjamas were suddenly replaced by a large, red suit which made him look extremely fat.

The driver's compartment was dominated by a large console, filled with glowing symbols and buttons and a large screen which showed an electronic database of the naughty and nice members of Hyrule. There was a steering wheel and a seatbelt, and the moment Link put it on the sleigh leapt into the air and sped off.

After three extremely long, cold hours of squeezing down chimneys and laying out presents under trees, Link lay back in the sleigh. He was just about to press a button which he assumed would take him back to Ordon, when he noticed something. A small, green button that glowed dimly in the corner of the console, marked, "CHANGE WORLDS".

A small smile spread across Link's face-his run wasn't over yet. He pressed the button, and he and the sleigh dissolved into black squares, vanishing into a portal that had suddenly appeared, which closed after Link passed.

Link reformed in, sure enough, the Twilight Realm. He smiled, and set the sleigh to auto-pilot-it would find its own way back to Santa. As soon as the sleigh left, he transformed into a wolf-but it didn't matter; he could make do in this form.

There was no snow in the Twilight Realm; instead, beautiful particles of Twilight fell through the air, landing softly on the walkways. Like the last time Link had been here, it was quiet; however, this was a gentle, natural quiet-not the eerie silence of Zant's reign.

Link padded through the Twilight, until he reached the Palace of Twilight. He found a hole in the wall-far too small for a Twili, but whoever was the security in the Twilight Realm obviously hadn't counted on a very determined wolf. He crawled through, and found himself in the dungeon. He began to work his way up to the throne room, where, sure enough, there was-no, not Mayor Bo people!-a giant Christmas tree, more grand and more beautiful than any he'd ever seen.

Link made himself as presentable as possible, and settled down to wait until morning. Princess Midna was getting a lot more for Christmas than she'd bargained for.

**Meanwhile, Back in the Light Realm**

"LINKYPOO!" Ilia barged in through the hole in Link's door that she had made the night before. "Linkypoo! You're present is too big to fit through the door, so it's waiting for you outside! Come on, else we won't have time to play on the new Xbox 360 I got you as a side present!"

Ilia frowned at the lack of response. She peered carefully round the room, then, she had an idea-yes people, I know we're going against the laws of physics here, but it's a story, and a Christmas one at that, so just go along with it.

Stealthily-or, at least, stealthily for Ilia, which meant banging into everything on the way and making as much noise as King Bulbin in a china shop-she approached Link's bed. Grinning, she threw back the covers, revealing the startled lump underneath.

"LINKY-what?! Mayor Bo, why are you in Linkypoo's bed?!"

**Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed it! And no, this was NOT just a chance to get at Ilia! Humour just isn't one of my strong points-I need a subject to work on, and Ilia seemed perfect for it. Merry Christmas everyone! **


End file.
